| Author |
Message |
    
Cuddlebear
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 21, 2002 - 4:09 am: | 
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I hope you all get a smile out of this.
The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the
Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and
Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's
certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you,
though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an
entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have pass it
before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St.Peter, sir. But nobody
ever
tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life
was
a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and
sees
St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to
think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with
the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was
thinking, but ..... you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so
I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St.
Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that
and
I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd. . ."
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I
see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind..... but I'll
have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and
final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can
understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but
just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name
of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it
from the song. . . ."ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME
I
AM HIS OWN. . .."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run." |
bruce
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 21, 2002 - 11:48 am: |
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dont give up your day job bear HA HA HA |
Colt
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 21, 2002 - 4:08 pm: |
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That was a goodern, 'bear!
Well, I shouldn't do this, but here goes:
A frog named Ribbit Jagger hopped into a bank. He went up to the desk of the loan officer, Miss Patricia Whak, and told her he wanted to get a loan for $875,000. He wanted to buy a Ferrari F1, the car of his dreams. Well, Miss Whak started freaking out. She said the idea was totally ridiculous! She said that she did not do business with frogs and that she would not even talk to the board concerning his loan. She told him to just hop on out of the place and forget the $875,000 and the car! Well, after she got through with her tirade, Ribbit just looked up and handed her a little ceramic elephant. He said that the loan would be no big deal, his daddy would co-sign. By now she was totally wiped out! She stomped into the bank president's office and went on her tirade again. "This stupid frog wants an $875,000 loan! He is out of his mind....and blah, blah, blah, blah!!" On and on she yaks. Then, laying down the ceramic elephant, she says, "And to top it all off, he hands me THIS! What IS this!?" The president looks at the elephant, looks out at her desk at the frog, looks back at her, and replies:
(sing it!)
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whak, give the frog a loan..his old man's a Rolling Stone!!"
:D:D:D |
Cuddlebear
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 22, 2002 - 4:01 am: |
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hehehehh, Ok, Now you forced me to pull out this joke, Enjoy lol
The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation,
> died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
>
> Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang
out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur
> then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman? "
> God said, "Ah, yes, "
> "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
>
> 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
> 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
> 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
> 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
> 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
>
> "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
> God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited
> for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read
it.
>
> "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed, " God said to Arthur,
> "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than
> yours." |
Cuddlebear
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 22, 2002 - 4:07 am: |
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Ok, Here's one more.....
Osama Bin Laden was killed and wound up in hell for his evil deeds upon the Earth. The devil approached him and smiled and said "Hello Osama, we've been waiting for you." For your crimes upon Earth you will be spending eternity here. But you will have a choice on how to spend your time here in hell. Osama looks at the devil and replies "Really?? Well, this isn't so bad." The Devil points to a row of doors and says to Osama. "There are three doors here. You must choose one. And that is what you will get stuck with for all eternity." The Devil opens door number one. There is a man shoveling coal onto the flames of hell. Osama says to the Devil. "Well, the heat wouldn't be a problem, Since I lived in the Desert I'm used to it. But I can't do it cause I have a bad back." The Devil replies, "Ok, fair enough. I can understand that." So the Devil opens door number two. There, we see a man breaking small chunks out of a rock with a small hammer. Osama looks at the Devil and says "Naw, I can't do that. I have a bad shoulder." The Devil says, "Ok, fair enough." The Devil opens door number three. There, we see Bill Clinton laying totally naked on a couch with a huge smile, receiving Oral Sex from Monica Lewinski. Osama looks at the Devil and says. "Well, I don't really care for sex all that much. But it looks the easiest, and Bill does seem to be enjoying it. So I guess I'll take it." The Devil looks at Osama and replies. "Ok, Osama. Are you sure?" Osama replies. "Yep, I guess I'll take door number three." The Devil throws him in the room and says. "Ok, Monica. You can leave now." |
bruce
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 22, 2002 - 11:51 am: |
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HA HA HA now lets toss congress in with him ! |
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